Siman's advice

Thankyou for your help siman
hey guys its SI_MAN SEX GURU a mate of mine sent me this obiviously he ain't getting any .He says this will help you get laid and preserve relaionships...bollocks you twat damn funny though check it out RULES THAT GUYS WISH GIRLS KNEW......... 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. 3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her. 4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again! 5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 6. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. 7. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sex, navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks. 8. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way. 10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. 11. You have enough clothes. 12. You have too many shoes. 13. Crying is blackmail. 14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot. 15. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it! 16. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. 17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes. 18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? 19. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. 23. Check your oil. 24. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived. 25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. 26. No, it doesn't matter which quiz. 27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days. 28. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 30. Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic. 31. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out. 32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both. 33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 34. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we. 35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at. 36. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs. 37. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. 38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color. 39. Pumpkin is also a fruit. 40. If it itches, it will be scratched. 41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. 42. If it's OUR house, I don't understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement. 43. We're not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. 44. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle. 45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex with her. But don't worry; the fantasy includes you AND her, together.

	More of Siman
	Home Page \| About me \| Pics \| Siman the sex guru \| Siman's advice \| Links \| TCP MAN \| Guest Book

The ultimate advice page all lovingly donated by Siman Sex Guru hey guys its SI_MAN again this the only diet you will ever need enjoy! Sex Diet CALORIE COUNTER Sex is the most practical and funniest way of losing weight. Look how many calories you can burn: TAKING OFF THE CLOTHES With her agreement...........................12 cal Without her agreement.......................187 cal TAKING OFF THE BRA With both hands...............................8 cal With one hand................................12 cal With the mouth...............................85 cal PUTTING ON THE CONDOM With erection.................................6 cal Without erection............................315 cal FOREPLAY Trying to find the clitoris...................8 cal Trying to find G spot........................92 cal Without caring at all.........................0 cal WHEN "DOING IT" Holding her up...............................12 cal Just on the floor.............................8 cal POSITIONS Daddy-mummy...................................2 cal 69 laying.....................................8 cal 69 standing up..............................112 cal Trolley.....................................216 cal Italian chandelier..........................912 cal HAVING AN ORGASM Real........................................112 cal Fake........................................315 cal POST ORGASM Staying in bed...............................18 cal Jumping off the bed..........................36 cal Figuring out why she jumped off the bed.....816 cal GETTING THE SECOND ERECTION Between 16 and 19 years of age.....12 cal From 20 to 29................................36 cal From 30 to 39...............................108 cal From 40 to 49...............................324 cal From 50 to 59...............................972 cal Over 60...................................... 2916 cal PUTTING ON THE CLOTHES Quietly......................................32 cal Being in a hurry.............................98 cal With her boyfriend opening the door..........1218 cal
		Thankyou for your help siman hey guys its SI_MAN SEX GURU a mate of mine sent me this obiviously he ain't getting any .He says this will help you get laid and preserve relaionships...bollocks you twat damn funny though check it out RULES THAT GUYS WISH GIRLS KNEW......... 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. 3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her. 4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again! 5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 6. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. 7. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sex, navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks. 8. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way. 10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. 11. You have enough clothes. 12. You have too many shoes. 13. Crying is blackmail. 14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot. 15. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it! 16. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. 17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes. 18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? 19. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. 23. Check your oil. 24. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived. 25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. 26. No, it doesn't matter which quiz. 27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days. 28. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 30. Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic. 31. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out. 32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both. 33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 34. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we. 35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at. 36. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs. 37. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. 38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color. 39. Pumpkin is also a fruit. 40. If it itches, it will be scratched. 41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. 42. If it's OUR house, I don't understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement. 43. We're not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. 44. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle. 45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex with her. But don't worry; the fantasy includes you AND her, together.
Siman..wat a guy hey it THE GURU here again here is some shit a girl sent me iI have no need for it so you guys might wanna look at this and take note Things guys should know about girls: 1. Don't ever lie to them; they always find out. 2. they don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening. 3. Don't say you understand when you don't. 4. Girls are pretty, but yours is the Prettiest! 5. You don't have PMS; don't act like you know what it's like. 6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook;doing something sweet will always get you off the hook. 7. If you talk about having a big Dick; they know you don't. 8. Size does matter,but only to hoes; not girls that wan't relationships. 9. They don't like it when you act like Mr. Big. 10. A system in your car only impresses your homeboys not them. 11. No matter what you say, your ex-girlfriend is a hoe. 12. It's good to be sensitive,sometimes. 13. If you did something wrong or even if you didn't,apologize. 14. Be spontaneous;dinner and a movie won't always cut it. 15. They are self-conscious by nature; they can't help it. 16. They are all DrAmA queens. 17. Fashion police do exist. 18. Don't ask them to give you head(unless you are a sex guru); if you are nice you just might get it. 19. they absolutely DO NOT care about car systems, paintball, or anything else you and your friends talk about. 20. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times. 21.They don't shave our legs everyday so get over it. 22. Don't make bets about us; will always find out. ALways 23. Shave; no matter how cool you think your goatee or beard or mustache looks, we hate it. 24. Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emitt other strange gases from your body, it is not. 25. Don't compare their breasts to anyone famous like pamela anderson hers are fake, just remember that. 26. It is not cool to just let your hair wash itself. 27. They are beautiful at all times. 28. They always think they are fat, so humor them and tell them they aren't. 29. Most importantly: they are always right; so don't forget it.